Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
