If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
