i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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