Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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