the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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