I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
