just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
