Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
