Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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