Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
