So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
