My first STD was from a foam party
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
