You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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