Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
