She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
