this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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