Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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