I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
