I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
