so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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