I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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