I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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