you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
