She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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