Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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