She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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