Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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