you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
