Did I show you my penis last night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
