So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
