Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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