No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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