3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize