Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
