i jhust puked up my retainher.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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