Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
