All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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