I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
