worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize