Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
