Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
