You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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