Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
