Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
