I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
