How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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