You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
