You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
