blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
