i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
