Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
