5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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