SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
