I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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