I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
