i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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