im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
