Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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