Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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