have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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