SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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