I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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