You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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