Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
