glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think people are normalizing furries
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
