Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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