genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
