Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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