Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
