your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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