I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He? As in you personified your dick?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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