Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
