its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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